“If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies”

Has cancer changed me?  I think that any stressful situation will somehow change your life.  I have the same life goals, but my priorities have changed.  The things that I thought were important aren’t so important after all.  One of my dreams is that I will get married and have a family…the outcome of that dream is still the same as it was prior to cancer, but the road to getting there has changed.  Since the road has changed, so has my behaviour and actions travelling that road.  The road that I have chosen is adoption, I think about it a lot, and even though the end of the road is years away, the actions I take along the way can affect the outcome.  Financial security, a career, and a solid relationship are all factors that a family or single mother look for when giving their child up for adoption.  Then having someone scrutinize your home and your personal relationships to determine whether or not you would make a suitable parent is also very stressful.  I am sure it’s not as nerve-wracking as I imagine…however, I don’t want to create any limitations, and the choices I make reflect that.  So has cancer changed me?...Sure it has.  I know look for the great opportunities in life that have been disguised as unsolvable problems and strive to achieve them.

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing”

One week after my last treatment, I was driving and noticed my vision was off.  Initially I thought that my windshield was just dirty, so as I adjusted my position to look through a different part of the windshield, the vision problems followed.  So then I closed one eye… the on-coming car disappeared.  It’s a good thing most people drive with two eyes open!  I called my optometrist who got me in right away, and somehow I ended up with a retinal hematoma.  I hadn’t been coughing, been sick, or done anything strenuous, so I have no idea why it happened.  Sometimes it can occur from chemotherapy if blood platelets are low, but considering my last chemo treatment was 4 weeks prior and I had had my blood tested after that treatment, it was unlikely that it was related.  I was referred to an ophthalmologist that same week, and he felt that the blood should dissipate on its own, with my vision improving as that happens.  I have also been scheduled for an angiogram just to ensure that everything is normal.  As of right now, moving objects will still disappear at certain distances, and I cannot focus on details of an item or object such as text because everything is blurry…again just in the one eye though.  I have no time to worry about it though…the warm sun, blue sky, and sandy beaches of the Dominican Republic are calling my name.  I’ve been looking forward to this trip…and I deserve it!

Week 8 - "So much to do, so little done"

Day 1:  HDR Brachytherapy
Yes, the treatment was still awkward, but it was my last day of treatment!!!  Woot woot!  Now onto feeling better and living my life again...I have a lot more to accomplish.

Week 7 - "The end is near..."

Day 1:  Radiation

Day 2:  Radiation
Last day of external radiation.  Feels good to know that I only have two treatments left.

Day 3:  Day off...a much needed break!

Day 4:  HDR Brachytherapy
Since the doctor was happy with the results of the external radiation, he prescribed 2 boosts of internal radiation to finish things off.  The treatements are quicker than the external which is good because they are awkward.  For the girls... instead of picturing the stirrups on the bed, imagine boots.  Once your feet and lower legs are in the boots they get tightened with straps...I guess they really don't want you to move.  The doctor then inserts something like a tampon that has a long applicator which is fed by a tube that connects to the radiation machine...yes awkward.  The radiation is then turned on and travels down the tube to the area of need.  Thank goodness I only have to do this twice!