Week 2 - "A fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard”

I would have rather had the bodyguard, but I guess they were all taken...

So another short week...yay for long weekends!  On Monday I came into the city with my best friend Robyn and her husband Tyson.  They have already done so much for me, and they just keep on giving.  I must have done something right to get such great friends.  Once in the city they brought me to pick up some groceries and then we met up with Summer and Jeff for dinner.  Summer and I spent the rest of the night on Netflix watching movies...and then something devastating happened...I found and immediately pulled out my very first GREY HAIR!!?!?!?!?!!?!!

Day 1:  Blood work, Chemotherapy & Radiation
A long day...6 hours at the clinic.  I had the blood work first, I guess my counts are a tad bit low, so I have been scheduled for a blood transfusion on Thursday just to make sure it doesn't get any lower before my next chemotherapy next week.

Day 2:  Radiation

Day 3:  Radiation & Blood Transfusion
My dad came into the city early and sat with me while I received the blood transfusion.  I felt good after the blood...kind of like a burst of energy. 

I was so happy to come home again for the weekend.  I spent New Year's eve with great friends.  We ate crab legs and steak and played games.  The food was so rich that I ended up getting sick..but it was definately worth it.  I made it to midnight, said goodbye to 2010 and sealed it with a kiss.

Week 1 – “From small beginnings come great things”

Day 1:  Radiation
Prior to my initial treatment, I had signed myself up with the volunteer drivers.  It is such a great service especially for those who are unfamiliar with the city.  They call you the night before and let you know what time they will be picking you up, and then after your treatment, they drive you home.  My first driver was Bill.  I was his only pick up at that time so we talked.  Such a small world, he said he knew someone from my hometown…that person ended up being my cousin.  As for the radiation appointment itself, it was really quick… maybe 15 minutes.  It is similar to a CT scan that rotates around your body.  There was no pain at all to the treatment itself, and if I do start to see any side effects, it will usually be in a few weeks. 

Day 2:  Chemotherapy & Radiation
I wasn't sure what to expect at the chemo appt.  I got there and got set up in a room with 6 other beds.  The nurse was excellent and let me know exactly what she was doing and how long everything would take.  Summer came with me today and sat with me through the chemo and waited for me when I went to have the radiation.  It was nice to have the company.  I felt good after the treatment...just super tired by the end of the day and had a pretty bad headache.  I took my meds and crashed early.

Day 3:  Radiation
The day started off not so hot.  I woke up around 2 am with the sweats and the spins.  I didn't get sick, but I sure wanted to.  I took some more meds and the spins subsided.  The rest of the day was designated as sleep only, minus the time I was at my appointment.

Day 4:  Radiation
I had my radiation appointment in the morning.  My dad came into the city, picked me up, and then we both went to pick up my brother at the airport...it had been a while since I had seen him :).  We stopped for some food, and started the trip back home.  I had a headache but that was it; I think I was just too excited to get home, but by the time we made it home I was wiped.

Christmas weekend was just what I needed.  Even though I was tired, I got to see a lot of my friends, spend some QT time with the fam, ate two amazing turkey dinners, and got spoiled...it was fantastic.  On Sunday we headed up to the cabin to go snowmobiling.  For those who know my dad's luck...one sled blew up, and the other split the gas line all within minutes of arriving at the cabin...If there wasn't bad luck there wouldn't be any luck at all.  Even with that it was still a great time.  We took the sleds through some trails and across the lake, roasted sausages on the fire, drank hot chocolate, and watched some of the World Junior game; I felt like I was still living.  It definately helped that I feeling near 100% if not 100% that day, and motivated me to ensure that I give myself the opportunity to get out and feel like I am living every week.

“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me”

After my diagnosis, I was immediately off of work.  Fist, you need some time to get all the paperwork in order…HR, ROE, unemployment, insurance, etc, etc.  And second, I speak for myself here, but my brain felt like mush.  I had too much information and too many emotions to process.  Because of my location, and the fact that I required radiation treatments, I needed to pack up my stuff and move to the city.  My old roommate Summer, and her boyfriend offered me their spare room, and made me feel like I was at home.  The weekend before my treatments began, I decided to come to the city to get myself situated and to have a change in scenery as I was starting to get anxious.  I got a ride in with Summer’s mom.  She works over the Christmas holidays and was coming down to spend some time with Summer.  We spent a day shopping… great stress reliever.  Christmas dinner was amazing!  Great food, great company, and too many drinks!  I wanted to practice my puking technique…Yes I still had it!  Due to the self inflicted illness, Sunday was a movie day and before I knew it, it was my first day of treatments.

“Thank you”

I am extremely thankful for the amazing support and the generosity of love shared by my family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers.  It is truly amazing how we have the ability to lift someone up when they are down, make someone laugh when they need to, and help put someone back on track if they stumble.  I cannot say thank you enough, and I hope you all know how much you mean to me, and how appreciative I am.
              
         “Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”
                                                                                                    - G. Randolph

When I was first diagnosed, my grandma sent me a link to Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) -(http://www.youngadultcancer.ca/ ).  It is an amazing site whose mission is to build a community of young adults diagnosed with cancer and provide them with information, support, skills, and opportunity. Through the help of the YACC I met a great friend who had recently been through a similar situation as me.  We sent many e-mails and even had the opportunity to meet.  It was very helpful for me to be able to talk to someone who understood what I was experiencing and who shared similar feelings…my mentor.   Recently I had the opportunity to pay it forward when I was contacted by someone who had viewed my profile.  I have made two great new friends who I share a strong bond with.  Even though we live miles away, we will always have a story to share.

There is another friend I met throughout this experience…one of my best friends…my boyfriend.  I became depressed after becoming diagnosed, and felt that I was damaged…who would want to be with me?  I know the idea is to stay positive and look for the “great opportunities brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems…”, but I wasn’t there yet.  I felt like I lost a part of my identity, and part of my dreams.  But, I was wrong…and I don’t admit that often.  I met Zack.  He told me I was more important than any of those other things, and that I was perfect.  Even though my friends and family told me over and over again that I was wrong, and they hurt knowing how I felt, I hadn’t started to believe it myself yet.  But now, I am believing.

“Life is a daring adventure or nothing”

The story until now:
For all of us girls, from puberty on, we visit the gyno every year for our annual exam.  It is not the most pleasant or comfortable dr. visit, but it’s something that needs to be done.  At 26 years old, I had had 12 annual exams and no concerns.  A few months after my last annual, something started to happen;  I thought I was having bladder incontinence.  Definitely embarrassing, but I managed to find my dignity and visit my family doctor.  He started the process and referred me to a specialist.  About 3 months later, I visited the specialist.  She made me feel like I was more a pain in her ass, then my problems were to me.  I think someone needs to remind her that she’s a doctor and that any person will be a pain in the ass when they know something is wrong.  Believe me, I have a very elaborate list of words I wish I had said to her!  To make it worse, she misdiagnosed me.  In her own words, “It is not a serious problem, but extremely frustrating for these people”, and told me to come back in 3 months.  At my follow up visit, I told her everything had worsened and that I had lost weight.  She actually rolled her eyes at me and told me there was nothing she could do.  One of her colleagues had had a cancellation, so she sent me down the hall to see him.  He started his exam and a few words slipped out if his mouth.  He did a biopsy and I left knowing it was more than likely a tumor.  Two weeks later I got the confirming phone call, it was a cervical adenocarcinoma, and I was referred to the Cancer Care Clinic.

Before I go any further, I do want to state that I do know the seriousness of the situation both then and now.  I try to make light of the situation, and find the good and humour in it all.  I don’t want to dwell on the prognosis and be so concerned with the seriousness of the situation.  That is not me, and I would rather be happy and laughing…or trying to make someone else laugh, then be sad and crying.  I hope as you do read the blog you at least crack or smile, or better yet laugh out loud.  If it can inspire and motivate others then that is even better.  

                “A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on
                one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.”
                                                                                                      - Hugh Sidey

It was at Cancer Care where some of the embarrassing events took place.  Sure they weren’t funny then, but as I look back on them…they were pretty funny.  At my first appointment I met my gyno-oncologist; an amazing doctor and surgeon.  She told me she needed another biopsy and that I might have a small amount of bleeding.  Well let’s just say the slight bleeding resulted in wearing an adult diaper, my first experience with a catheter, a luxurious 3 night stay at the hospital, an allergic reaction to morphine, and 4 blood transfusions.  Good thing my dad and I had only planned a day trip!  First off…the adult diaper was huge, I had noticed I was bleeding a little more than a small amount.  I tried to hide it from my dad, but needed something until I could see the doctor again.  The nurse handed me the diaper, and I took it to the bathroom.  This is when I started to cry…I was totally mortified.  When I opened up the diaper it was huge and awkward.  I swear it came up to my armpits!  I put back on my jacket and waddled back to my room.  Second is the catheter …of course they are not comfortable, but either is accidently disconnecting two of the tubes and finding yourself lying in a bed of urine.  That one was good… I had to call the nurse and tell her I peed the bed.  When the nurse came in, I had gotten myself out of the bed and was standing in a puddle of pee.  Standing in pee or laying in pee, not too sure which one is more humiliating.   Brought back childhood memories of a nickname my dad made me…Peebody!  (On a road trip when I was 7 or 8 I tried to pee on the side of the road and managed to get more on myself then the ground).  As for the morphine reaction, I warned the nurse as she told me she was giving it to me.  I am pretty sure in red letters on my chart it states my allergies, but really what do I know?  Within a few seconds I was out and woke up to an oxygen mask.  Thankfully after a few days the bleeding stopped and I was sent home, only to return in a few weeks for surgery.  My surgery consisted of a radical hysterectomy and lymphadenectomy.   Although the surgery left me feeling like I had been beat up and run over, things looked good.  I did have one positive lymph node, but because the positive lymph node was the node closest to the tumor and everything else was clean, the doctors believed that the surgery was a success.  I was released from the hospital on Christmas Day ’09.  I had follow up visits every three months following the surgery.  At 6 months I received a CT scan which looked good.  At 12 months, I received a PET scan…The PET scan revealed a localized tumor and 2 positive lymph nodes.  Radiation and chemotherapy was my next adventure…